2nd Post - Chuck Klosterman's 23 Questions

These questions were posed by a man named Chuck Klosterman...they are very involved questions with very short answers. Due to the depth of the questions though, I shall only be answering five here. You can find all the questions at: http://melanism.com/2006/07/chuck-klostermans-23-questions-i-ask.html


"2. Let us assume a fully grown, completely healthy Clydesdale horse has his hooves shackled to the ground while his head is held in place with thick rope. He is conscious and standing upright, but completely immobile. And let us assume that--for some reason--every political prisoner on earth (as cited by Amnesty International) will be released from captivity if you can kick this horse to death in less than twenty minutes. You are allowed to wear steel-toed boots.

Would you attempt to do this?"

My answer: Absolutely not. For one, no animal should be abused EVER. Also, not all political prisoners are innocent. For all I know, I could be taking the life of an innocent animal to let a group of terrorists out into the world. These prisoners should have a fair trial before they are released, and not just because of the death of a horse.

"9. A novel titled Interior Mirror is released to mammoth commercial success (despite middling reviews). However, a curious social trend emerges: Though no one can prove a direct scientific link, it appears that almost 30 percent of the people who read this book immediately become homosexual. Many of these new found homosexuals credit the book for helping them reach this conclusion about their orientation, despite the fact that Interior Mirror is ostensibly a crime novel with no homoerotic content (and was written by a straight man).

Would this phenomenon increase (or decrease) the likelihood of you reading this book?"

My answer: I really don't think it would change my opinion on reading the book. If I thought the plot was interesting, I would probably try to get my hands on a copy at some point. If not, then who cares? Also, my assumption would be that this book is not making people gay, or helping people realize they're gay, but that one person said that it helped them discover they were gay, so another person had an, "OMG that must mean I am gay too!" moment that led to many other people having the same kind of moments and then a fad erupts and several months later these people are saying they were just confused and are back to being straight.

"15. You have a brain tumor. Though there is no discomfort at the moment, this tumor would unquestionably kill you in six months. However, your life can (and will) be saved by an operation; the only downside is that there will be a brutal incision to your frontal lobe. After the surgery, you will be significantly less intelligent. You will still be a fully functioning adult, but you will be less logical, you will have a terrible memory, and you will have little ability to understand complex concepts or difficult ideas. The surgery is in two weeks.

How do you spend the next fourteen days?"

My answer: The better question would be how would I spend the next six months since I would certainly not have the surgery. I enjoy my intelligence and living pretty much as a vegetable does not sound appealing to me at all. I would probably stop paying for school and move back home to spend as much time with my family as possible...and also spending as much time with my boyfriend as possible. I would still try to keep in contact with the professors that mean a lot to me at school, just not spend all my time in classes, since I wouldn't be getting a degree anyway. Honestly, I would eat a lot of yummy food and go play outside whenever possible. I have always been a "little things" person...no need to make grand trips to go see other parts of the world. Dirt is just dirt, but home cooked food is priceless.

"3. Let us assume there are two boxes on a table. In one box, there is a relatively normal turtle; in the other, Adolf Hitler's skull. You have to select one of these items for your home. If you select the turtle, you can't give it away and you have to keep it alive for two years; if either of these parameters are not met, you will be fined $999 by the state. If you select Hitler's skull, you are required to display it in a semi-prominent location in your living room for the same amount of time, although you will be paid a stipend of $120 per month for doing so. Display of the skull must be apolitical.

Which option do you select?"

My answer: For one, Hitler's skull should be nowhere near my house. I'm a believer in the paranormal side of things and I just really wouldn't like the idea of such an evil person's HEAD being displayed in my house. A conversation starter, sure...peace of mind? Not so much. Besides I love animals and am pretty sure I could keep a turtle alive and happy.

"7. Defying all expectation, a group of Scottish marine biologists capture a live Loch Ness Monster. In an almost unbelievable coincidence, a bear hunter in the Pacific Northwest shoots a Sasquatch in the thigh, thereby allowing zoologists to take the furry monster into captivity. These events happen on the same afternoon. That evening, the president announces he may have thyroid cancer and will undergo a biopsy later that week.

You are the front page editor of The New York Times: What do you play as the biggest story?"

My answer: The biggest story is by far the president possibly having thyroid cancer. The ramifications of the leader of our country having cancer are far greater than that we have finally captured a couple creatures that we already have some evidence of anyways. The American people need to be ready for the possibility of the president having to step down or relinquish more duties to the VP. Also, scientists need time to study the Sasquatch and Loch Ness Monster before the public goes wild about it. I would try to help control the story so people don't go out and do crazy things, like dive to the bottom of Loch Ness Lake to try to find the mate of the captured monster. You never really know what people are going to do.